A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

My daughter Carmen is twelve and wise beyond her years.  Lots of moms say that about their kids, I know. But if you met her, you’d say it too.

Last night, she lost a former teacher in a tragic event. There’s a lot of speculation about his death and the death of his wife; however, there is no official confirmation.

Carmen is smart.

She’s hears, she reads, she sees and like us, she has an idea of what occurred.

My kiddo doesn’t process verbally.  She says little when trauma occurs, going deep inside, venturing out only when she feels safe.

When I picked her up from school yesterday and “tested the waters” to see how she was feeling she didn’t want to talk much.

We were a few minutes away from our destination when unable to take the silence, I said, “ I wish I had an explanation for you. I wish I could tell you why these things happen, but I can’t.”

She was silent for a moment, then said, “I think I understand why it happened.”

I asked her why.

What she said next was profound.

It was a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.”

I couldn’t do or say anything; I just cried.

Our lives this week have been touched by tragic losses not once, but twice. That’s too much for a lifetime, let alone a week.

Big problems don’t feel temporary, do they?

When we’re in the midst of deep trouble, the feeling that we’re never going to make it out is real. We shut down, pull away, make split-second decisions that change our lives and our loved ones’ lives forever.

What I know is this, big problems, more often than not, are temporary.

Change comes, and with it, our big problems morph, many times subside and, sometimes go away.  If we share our big problems with others, people who are safe, who care about us, who are willing to help if we would only let them know we’re struggling, then the big problems don’t feel quite as big.

We don’t feel quite as alone.

It’s not easy.

It takes courage.

And it’s worth it.


According to CNN “Suicide rates increased by 25% across the United States over nearly two decades ending in 2016, according to research published Thursday by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Twenty-five states experienced a rise in suicides by more than 30%.”

Please, if you’re feeling like there’s no way out, call the suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255.  We aren’t meant to do life alone. 





4 replies
  1. Ericka Young
    Ericka Young says:

    That was a horrible tragedy. So sorry to hear that your daughter is feeling the weight of that loss too. But you are right the words we speak in the most important times are what matters most. Thank you for sharing.


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