“I was trying to talk about my art project when the professor stopped me and said ‘Can you, like, stop saying the word like’”?
Darcy told me her face got red, she wanted to find a place to cry, and it made talking about her project harder, not easier. I wanted to cry with her. I’ve been there, I bet you have too.
The thing about Darcy is, when she’s comfortable, she’s articulate, clear and her speech is pretty much free from fillers.
I’ve heard many stories like Darcy’s. Situations where, someone has gotten up, tried to talk, and then been intentionally or unintentionally by someone’s attempt to “be helpful” or give “tough love”.
*Side note: the world is short on love right now; do we need to make what we give tough? It’s no wonder so many people fear speaking in public. *
I’m 100% guilty of giving feedback that was inappropriately timed, too harsh and or not helpful. I don’t get it right every time. I’ll also be the first to tell you that fillers, weak words, and qualifiers don’t help when you’re trying to deliver a message clearly.
The feedback Darcy got wasn’t wrong; it was how it was delivered that made it hurt.
I believe there’s a better way to help someone who is struggling.
I believe that if her professor would’ve said “Darcy, I can see and hear you struggling, what can I do to help you?” that Darcy would’ve been able to either tell him what she needed or relax enough to know she was in a safe environment and could speak freely about her project.
Her grade wasn’t dependent upon perfect speaking performance. Her grade depended on her understanding and delivery of her project.
There’s a difference.
What if you (you and me) strived to do better for the people we work and live with?
What if you tried to help people find ways to make themselves comfortable when they need to get up to speak, they could do it with a little less fear?
How would you feel if your words brought out the best in someone else?